Compartmentalizing

Today, the Universe spoke to me as she usually does at a moment when I’m silent washing my face, brushing my teeth or combing my hair. She said it was time  for me to stop sitting on threads and stop sitting on my blog because it was time to further the work. I wasn’t sure what she meant so she went on to say today’s assignment is compartmentalizing.  So we’re going to touch just a bit on my take on compartmentalization and I am no where near an expert, just someone who does it.

When I was a small child until the age of 6, I lived in a home where my mom was abused by my dad. Compartmentalizing began early for me, although I didn’t know it. You know, the stuff you aren’t aware of like when you’re told to go sit and watch cartoons with the volume up so high that you can’t hear your own self breathe, but you don’t think anything of it and moments or hours later mom comes back in visibly in distress, but goes on with her day like nothing has happened and so do you. She makes you a sandwich and tells you it's going to be ok as she wipes back tears. You ask her what's wrong , she says nothing but keeps looking around corners as she asks you to hurry up with your sandwich so she can get you to school or anywhere but where you are at that moment. You see the red mark on her cheek that wasn't there before the cartoons, but well whenever you ask it's dismissed so this time you don't ask. You finish the sandwich grab your book bag ,take mom's hand and go.

But dad comes in and he's not done. He grabs moms arm tight and whispers something closely in her ear while she gives you a smile only a mother in distress who loves her child can give. It says... Run. As a child, I didn't realize, she was activating my fight of flight response so that I would not be hurt or see her be hurt. I rarely saw him inflict the injury, only the aftermath.

That was the beginning of compartmentalizing for me. It's a coping mechanism and it starts for different reasons for different people and for that same reason it will take different strategies to heal from it.

The thing about packing baggage is that over time they will weigh you down. At some point, you have to get to the job of unpacking. I didn’t, for a really long time and that’s probably part of why my body was susceptible to autoimmune disease.

Now, I unpack stuff, quick. Even, when I take actual flights. The visual representation of bags at the door doesn’t sit right with me. When I get home, bags get unpacked within 24 hours, no matter what!

So, know that it’s ok if you have baggage. Just figure out a way to start unpacking it in a way that works for you. I’m my own therapist. I did my own research and practiced the things that work for me. I let go of guilt. I don’t care what people think. I’m honest. I’m not embarrassed about my past. I practice mindfulness. I pray every single day. I lead with love. I do what makes me happy. I don’t stay in places, do things or remain around people that make me uncomfortable.

Now, go have an awesome, glorious, amazing Sunday. I’m catching a flight to NYC in the morning to meet the Tamron Hall Fam and celebrate Germaine, the amazing CEO of IKnow Skincare. The show will air On the 20th.

XOXO😘